I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
