If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
