Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
