I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
