I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
