do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
