She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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