Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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