how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
