Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
