I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
