good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
