I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
