Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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