I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
