Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
