Who wears a wallet chain?!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
