so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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