they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
