My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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