I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You dont lie about slip and slides
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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