Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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