I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
