I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
