If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
