My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
