You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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