How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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