haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
