so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
