Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
