Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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