He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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