hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
