My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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