yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize