After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
