tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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