Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
