Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize