my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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