i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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