Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
