She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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