he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
