Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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