I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He did a backflip because drugs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
