Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
