literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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