Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
