I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
