When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
