nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
