If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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