Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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