totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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