You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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