Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
