Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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