Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
where are my eyebrows?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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