the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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