Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
