and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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