I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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